Why do men cheat?

I started my active dating life at 17, and I call this part of my life: being stupid.  Because at that time I really believed in love and soulmates and in living happily ever after like in those fairy tales and romantic books. Well, I know by now that they are fairy tales too. Anyway, since I was hot,  my head was dizzy from “ I  love you” almost every week and unfortunately as a being stupid I had no clue that  it needs  to be translated to “ I want you” .

Only later, in my other life, I call it: being crafty, I asked guys about why do men always make up that “ I love you” crap on the first date?. Many said that they really mean it when they say " I love you" . Wow,  I found it amusing and definitely like "one of a kind" answers.

Anyway, I was so obsessed with finding a true love that got myself into engagement and disengagement for  a few times,  into marriage for awhile, and other sweet -romantic  and not quite  so relationship.

In one of such inspirational days, I met someone special.  He was an artist, a guitar player with a deep beautiful voice. He was also a very gentle and carrying person. We were officially in love and  talking about moving in together. I have to say, that was really extremely happy period of my extremely being stupid life. But one day everything changed forever. 

Did you ever have to go on a business trip for a 3 month period? I did.  My boss was sending me abroad and my honey was crashed by that news. On the wings of his misery, he even wrote a song about ‘how a happy man suddenly becomes unhappy when the love of his life leaves him alone ‘.  I just realized recently that suffering is a part of the artist’s inspiration,  the time for creation.  But back then, I was so touched by his emotional breakdown  and straggled with dilemma to go or not to go, and finally decided to go. I convinced myself that it is not a big deal  and we will survive it somehow. How stupid I was…

We agreed that we will phone and email each other every day and when I landed  few emails were waiting in my mailbox. his emails  were sweetest things I ever read. He always had the same finishing line: yours forever. I guess it was just like a signature but I cried like a silly girl over it. That  saying is really true” men love by eyes, women love by ear”. Anyway, he wrote almost every day for  quite 
awhile, first 3 week or so, then less and less and by the end of my business trip there were no emails anymore from my dearest honey.

Of course, I called him many times but couldn’t reach him, except once when he answered the phone. He said that he is extremely sorry but has to run, busy at work. Sound familiar? Anyway, although he said nothing, I instantly knew that something did happen.

I have arrived back home and the first thing he said “we need to talk”, sound familiar? If someone  said it today I would laugh  but back then I wasn’t laughing at all. So, he was extremely nervous and said” I don’t know how it happened, I didn’t want it to happen but I slept with other woman but still love you”.  He explained that his friend was throwing a party and because I wasn’t in the city he went there alone. The girl was one of the guests, she approached him and invited to dance and the rest just happened… Just happened, how do you like it?  We broke up. Later I found out that my honey  got married.  Yep, to  the same girl, just like that …  

And me? His betrayal was so a hellish turmoil that I had to quit my job and move to another city but I learned my lesson. I wasn’t a silly girl anymore…

Sometimes I think about what would happen to us if I didn't go to that trip. We might be  living  a happily ever after life buy now, but.. you never know.     

So, years passed, a lot of things happened, continents changed but people do not change. I still observe unfaithful husbands and boyfriends  everywhere and still confused with the reasons why do men cheat?  

What kills romance?

My girlfriends and I were taking and came to the conclusion that our wedding day was the happiest day of our lives. We truly believed that our breathtaking romance will last forever but after being just married for a couple years some of us lost the way to our happily ever after. So, what happened to that saying ‘love will conquer all’? Doesn’t love live here anymore?

Seriously, let’s be honest. How many of us were not feeling sorry for ourselves and thinking about our marriage as a big mistake? Recently one of my acquaintances whom I met through our mutual friend said that she is so fed up with her husband that the only thing she wants is to live alone with her children. By the way, her husband makes good money, has good temper and he is very supportive to her in every way. But apparently, something happened in this couple’s happily ever after, something left to say.

Maybe our romance is fading away the same way as the color on those old black and white photos. Maybe our married life becomes a boring routine with no place for surprise anymore. Because every single day we do the same things, well maybe in reverse order but still, first and the most important we feed our children then we clean, wash, cook, bake or do other housework. Do not forget, we all have day jobs too. We also have to take the stress at work with our male bosses and back home with our losers husbands.

I have a friend, she is the only one in her family who makes money and pays the bills and her husband doesn’t work. That would be okay, people have sometimes rough time, except it continuous almost for five years. And what do you think she gets in return? Recently her in-laws advised her to take a second job and her husband always accuses her that she is cold and never in the mood, I assume he means sex. Don’t you think that such married life would kill even a good romance?

We, women are also responsible for boosting our man’s ego but God forbid you ever make him feel like a loser because instead of finding a real job he will stick in the depression  stage for the next five years. But I am so surprised that even the losers with no jobs, no money, and no responsibilities still in demand these days. I have seen by own eyes how those men were flirting with other women like roosters over some chickens who is not even close to their wives.

And yes, when the night comes we also have to be seductive and sensuous and hot to fulfill our man's  sexual fantasies because otherwise there is always a good chance that our honey husbands would start looking for it outside of marriages.

Recently my reader has wrote in her comment ‘I became a"mommy" after my kid was born...both to my child and my husband and I don’t like it’.

Here it is the answer to our biggest question about what kills romance. We don’t like to be mommies or babysitters to our husbands. Because being a mother for our children means always giving, protecting, loving your child more than you love yourself and nothing expecting in return but we cannot love our husbands the same way.

We want to be surprised and nourished and  impressed. We want to see husbands who cares  about us and our financial well being, because we are tired of having constant insecurity; and yes, we want prosperity for our kids and ourselves and I cannot see anything wrong with that. But most of all we want our husbands be a man and take responsibility because love will not be able to conquer all if you will not help us keep our romance alive, we cannot do it alone, not for five years!

Amen, sister!